Maple syrup and cayenne pepper can do one

So it’s all over and done with. I’ve finished the cayenne pepper and maple syrup diet. I thought on Friday that I wouldn’t be able to finish because I’d lost all faith in the diet. I was annoyed, I couldn’t sleep, I felt nauseous, I’d given up and completely lost faith. I’m sure this is how it felt to be a Tottenham fan before Gareth Bale got good.

Worst of all, I had the shakes and a temperature and thought that would be my lot for this diet. No weight loss is worth getting that ill for. The juice just wasn’t worth the squeeze (get it?!). But I got back to Leeds, weighed myself and I’d lost half a stone. In five days. So like any child who starts to get their own way, I thought I’d shut up whining.

Fortunately I got better over this weekend, although by the final day on Sunday aka yesterday, I’d stopped putting the cayenne pepper in the drinks. I just couldn’t stomach it anymore. I will never have cayenne pepper again. I used to use it when cooking jambalaya and other spicy food, but I’m knocking it on the head now. I’ve got no time for it. I’m a paprika man through and through from now on. The same goes for the maple syrup. I had never had it before last Monday and I will never have it again. The lemons are exempt from this resentment.

This week I’ve learnt that I had more willpower than I thought I had. I’ve dieted before and never stuck to it and only been half as hungry as I was this week. I think it was a good exercise in self control even if it was all in all a stupid idea to do the diet. It made me ill and I still think even with training, that some of the weight I’ve lost will go straight back on so it’s not really a true reflection.

Which brings me conveniently along to my final weight at the end of the diet. Last Monday I was weighed at the osteopath clinic and weight bang on 14 stone. As of 8.30am this Monday morning, I weigh……………………

Weight on 6 May: 13st 3 3/4lbs (Loss: 10 1/4lbs)

When I looked at that photo again, I was a big fan of it. Firstly because it makes my bicep look big in the shadow and secondly because it is the proof that I lost 10lbs in a week, yes that’s right 10 BLOODY POUNDS.

That’s more than I thought I would lose. I genuinely thought half a stone at best and at one point this week I convinced myself that I’d lost sod all. But I’m realistic at the same time. I know that I will put some of that one soon as I eat. And I definitely know because I just ate a low fat yoghurt, drank a small glass of orange juice and ate two small pineapple chunks and weighed myself. Had put 3lbs back on. The highs and lows of weight loss!!

As my mate Col has just reminded me, weighing myself everytime I eat is stupid and I will just torture myself all week so my next weigh in will be next Monday. My goal is ideally to lose more but I have to be sensible and going back to solid food might cancel out the training I will start doing. If I can stay the same or not put on more than three or four pounds then I will be pleased.

I will never do the Cayenne Pepper and Maple Syrup diet again. Yes I am lighter for it, but I wrote off a week of my life to do it and I genuinely think for someone who is used to a good intake of calories, it is too extreme. Although it makes me think I could do that 5-2 diet quite easily where two days of the week you have like 500 calories. That may be an option later down the line.

This week it’s about building my strength up and on Wednesday I start my training programme with John. I bought a new gym t-shirt and shorts yesterday, so I’m gonna look like one of those gym bellends who has all the gear and no idea. Brilliant.

Speak soon.

xx

The Cayenne Pepper and Maple Syrup Diet. Not the best idea.

So it’s the first week of my healthy eating regime and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to try one of those quick fix, fad diets.

You know the ones that promise you will lose half a stone in a week or something. My long-term plan to get in shape and keep the chubb away is to eat healthily and exercise more. It’s not rocket science. But before all that I thought I would try the Cayenne Pepper and Maple Syrup diet.

This diet was made famous by Beyonce when she did it to lose a shed load of weight before a film. What is it? Basically, it’s this. Your daily diet consists of between six and 12 glasses of a drink. What are the ingredients of this drink?

Two tablespoons of squeezed lemon juice

Two table spoons of maple syrup

One tenth of a tea spoon of cayenne pepper

250ml of water

That ladies in gentleman is what I have chosen to fuel my body on for seven days. This is what it looks like:

The comedy glass doesn’t make this anymore appetising

It doesn’t sound or look appetising. That’s because it isn’t. To add to the fun, each night you take a herbal laxative tea to make you go the following morning. Failing that, you do what is called a Saltwater Flush. It sounds like a water park, somewhere doesn’t it. But it isn’t anything like fun. It’s a litre of water with two teaspoons of sea salt powder in it which you then down. I’m on day three of this ‘cleanse’ and I did the saltwater flush yesterday. Basically within half hour of drinking it I was on the toilet, a place I returned to another four times within an hour. Ridiculous.

So yeah, day three of this diet. Main observations are I’m hungry, I’m tired, I don’t want to leave the house, I have little motivation and I have the hump. It’s like a hangover but without the fun you had the previous night and in this case you certainly can’t go to Nandos (or any of the other many chicken shops!) to sort yourself out.

I’m currently in a phase of resentment. I was juicing some lemons earlier and I told one of them to piss off when I dropped it. I think this shows a bit of disdain from myself towards the ingredients. Beyonce may have talked about the success of this diet but I wonder whether the diet made her bitch to Jay-Z as much as I did to my mates for a week.

Will this all be worthwhile? Well chances are if I don’t manage myself properly I will put all the weight I lose back on. And I better lose some bloody weight.

I will keep you updated with how it’s going.

xx

Man vs Fat?! What the hell is all this about?!

Alright. You’re asking yourself, what the hell is all this about? Why is Alex Brooker starting some blog about Man vs Fat? Is this going to be shit? Should I just carry on watching Gossip Girl?

I have the answers to some of those questions.

At the end of June I go on holiday with my mates to Croatia and by the time I fly out I want to be in the shape of my life. So basically I’ve got two months to shift some chubb and get in the game. I’ve been a perennial porker right from when I was a kid (please see below picture) and I’ve decided now is the time to change all that. Granted I’m not huge but I could definitely do with losing the beer belly and man boobs. My aim is to lose 2 stone in 2 months.

This is me aged 10 trying my hardest to look like a future serial killer

Channel 4 are making a documentary about my attempt to lose weight as well as the changing relationship between men and weight loss. Most people are conscious about their weight and how they look and blokes are no different. I’m certainly no different and this is where it gets interesting (or extremely boring depending on how interested you are).

I know you’re all deeply excited about this and obviously can’t wait to see the documentary, aptly titled Alex Brooker: Man vs Fat (Working Title) when it airs in the summer. But until then, I’m going to be telling you all about my journey via this blog.

I’ve got myself a personal trainer (my mate John) and will be trying to ditch the beer, Diet Coke (although other brands are available!) and generally eating crap in order to be successful. I want to be, mainly because if I’m not then I will have made the most pointless, shit documentary in history and I won’t be flavour of the month at C4 Towers.

But also because I’ve said lose of times about getting in shape and never stuck to it. Now is the time, it’s only nine weeks and I’m gonna give it a good go.

What a handsome bunch! This was taken in Croatia in 2011 and I want to be in better shape this year.

I apologise in advance for any boring posts about how many sticks of celery I’ve eaten or any topless photos of me that may appear on here. I don’t want to ruin your day with a selfie but I expect over the next two months I will. And feel free to leave non-abusive comments and tales of your own quests to lose weight, and of course any of your own weight loss selfies.

Wish me luck!

xx